I have childhood memories of things being wonderful. Perhaps, I viewed things through the rosy lenses of innocence. Perhaps things were actually better. I know one thing for sure, more of my family got together when I was younger than now. Also, being married and around someone else's family with their "normal" is also hard to adjust to, especially for a gal like me who doesn't appreciate change.
I hear people talk about plans to go to different family members homes for party's (most of them grumble when they talk about it) and my heart leaps. It wants to yell, "I want to go to house after house, laughing, playing games, and talking!!" I control myself and try to gently remind people that being busy during this season is not a bad thing, it means you are loved.
But, I must pull on my big girl panties and make this Christmas the most wonderful and joyous for my sweet boys. I will make cookies, play games, get them a present with purpose--something just for them, for who they are, not just some piece of junk to be broken and thrown out. I will make loads of delicious foods with my own two hands. I will sing with them. I will take them to church. We will worship together. I will not tell them that I am grouchy because I don't have what I want. I will not be grouchy. (I have to write this to remind myself. )
Maybe when they are older, I can be the fun one who invites the whole family over. Until then, I will content myself to my portion.
