I have childhood memories of things being wonderful. Perhaps, I viewed things through the rosy lenses of innocence. Perhaps things were actually better. I know one thing for sure, more of my family got together when I was younger than now. Also, being married and around someone else's family with their "normal" is also hard to adjust to, especially for a gal like me who doesn't appreciate change.
I hear people talk about plans to go to different family members homes for party's (most of them grumble when they talk about it) and my heart leaps. It wants to yell, "I want to go to house after house, laughing, playing games, and talking!!" I control myself and try to gently remind people that being busy during this season is not a bad thing, it means you are loved.
But, I must pull on my big girl panties and make this Christmas the most wonderful and joyous for my sweet boys. I will make cookies, play games, get them a present with purpose--something just for them, for who they are, not just some piece of junk to be broken and thrown out. I will make loads of delicious foods with my own two hands. I will sing with them. I will take them to church. We will worship together. I will not tell them that I am grouchy because I don't have what I want. I will not be grouchy. (I have to write this to remind myself. )
Maybe when they are older, I can be the fun one who invites the whole family over. Until then, I will content myself to my portion.
Just tried to post a comment, but I am pretty sure I lost it when I went to sign in. Forgive me if you get two similar comments.
ReplyDeleteOh, my dear friend. I have been feeling some awful blues this Christmas. I can't put my finger on it. As disfuntional as my extended family is, I miss them and my friends who are scattered across the country. I too have heard people complain about having to go from house to house and I wish we were invited along. PK prayed for me the other day and asked God to restore my joy. I am so waiting for that prayer to be answered. I think the kids have had a fabulous Christmas and for that I am grateful!! We will be packing up the Christmas decorations in a few days. My dad and his wife are coming for two nights so I thought I would leave everything up. I am really looking forward to their visit but at the same time am dreading the let down I will feel when they leave and the decorations are down and the house returns to "normal." Feeling the blues with you...But I keep listing the things I have been so blessed with...my kids, my husband who loves me and wants me to be happy, he has a job that pays the bills and we have our beautiful home. Shouldn't be a sad thought around, yet they loom.
I hope you do feel better soon. This year was not as bad for me as some years but still, it was still down. I think I am just trying to create something that I just don't have the ability to achieve (the wonderful Christmas in my mind). I think that my next holiday at home will be everything out of a box....I wonder if that will improve things (or if I could bear the box-ness).
ReplyDeleteYour children will grow up with memories about how wonderful Christmas was, because of all the hard work you put into it. At the same time, I hope you are taking time to enjoy the moments with your husband and the children during the holidays. This year as I was removed from the stress and pressure we put ourselves through every year, I got the best gift of enjoying each and every moment. I bet you are starting your own traditions and that is what matters. In-laws traditions don't always feel like they belong, because you and Chris are now a different family then what the both of you grew up with. I threw out Pat's Christmas-Eve Chili tradition, because I just couldn't get into it no matter how hard I tried. So if people join us on Christmas-Eve, they get Company Speghetti. If they want to bring their chili, they can, but don't ask me to heat it up. I still haven't lived that one down. :(
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